Four poems

I wrote four poems. Two about my dad's death, and two about being sick this last year. I think it's time to share them. I wrote them for a class, and they're a little unpolished, but heartfelt :). Enjoy!

Gone

"I think he's dead."

A knife in my heart.

A chill in my spine.

Disbelief.

Fear.

Denial.

My mom is there.

I fly to meet her.

I go to the hospital.

Your eyes are closed.

You look like you're breathing.

It's just the machine.

Counselor.

Friend.

Father.

When your heart stopped, so did mine.

When your breath left, mine couldn't be caught.

When your Spirit fled, mine yearned to follow.

Mom cried over you.

I held your hand.

We stood around your shell.

After

My father is no longer here,

His Spirit fled this place.

Although, this news, I met with fear,

Peace slowly fills that space.

Some people die in war, I know,

While others die at home.

But my heart states that this is so:

We never die alone.

For with us dies the hopes and dreams

Of all we've yet to do.

Our families, to me it seems,

Will die a little too.

And yet in death there is new life,

From winter's cold, a spring:

You are free from grief and strife

And lessons, yet, you bring.

Our life does not conclude with death.

I do believe that's true.

And though you took your final breath,

Yet I will be with you.

But meanwhile you will be with me.

I'll live the lessons taught.

My life I'll live so all will see

What your life in me wrought.

Your master's touch with me will be

For time and all eternity.

Sickness

When you're sick

You get so sick

Of being sick

The doctors tell you that you're sick

And that you will stay sick

Unless you do things to get un-sick

Soon, your whole life is sick

Every part of you is sick

Your mind, body, and soul are sick

You define yourself as sick

You don't exercise because you're sick

You stay home because you're sick

"I would go there, but I'm sick"

Excuses build because you're sick

Until, of excuses, all your friends are sick

What is sick

About being sick

Is that you make everyone sick

Until your whole world is sick

And of "sick sick sick"

You get really sick

Really, it's sick

Just how sick

I am of being sick

Recovery

You either get better or die;

I chose the former.

I may regret that decision.

Doctors, appointments, therapy, and drugs

Baby steps to get back to

The place where you once could run.

And setbacks, sometimes often,

Where once you advanced

But, slowly, symptoms soften

You gain what once you chanced.

And then, your life, its structure takes again

As, one more time, you join the ranks of men.

Why I Stayed

This is a wholly religious post written primarily to people who are members of the LDS faith who are struggling with the church's policy changes.  It's not as funny or witty as most of my posts, but very heartfelt.  If you want to stop reading here, that's okay!  So you didn't waste your time entirely, here is a picture of a kitten with a cape that is here to support you on your way!

This is why I am staying with the LDS church.

In light of the policy change of the LDS church on the subject of gay marriage and its households, I feel like I really need to express why I'm still doing all that I'm doing.

I know that people are hurting because of this change. I know that it feels like a slap in the face to many in the gay community. I know that it seemed to happen when everything was going so well! The Church was supporting legislation and programs that helped people in the gay community. They were public and supportive. And then this. 

I didn't believe, for a really long time, that it was true. It all seemed super-fishy. I didn't like the feel of it. I said it tasted wrong. A lot of those feelings persist. I don't understand why it was necessary to make this clarification on apostasy now or ever. I don't get a lot of why we need to change the policy for the children of gay couples. I don't get it.

But that's okay.

It's okay to not know. It's okay to question and feel uncomfortable. It's even okay to be a little angry. But don't leave! 

Was it a mistake? I don't know. Should it be changed? I don't know. Is it hurting people? Yes, and I'm sorry that that's true.

But I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is God's church on the earth. It is the only place with the power and authority of the Priesthood of God, sealing power, prophets and apostles, and all that comes with it. I am an expert witness on these things. I know.

As I struggled with the reality of what the Church that I love, in which I believe, had done, a story came to mind: 

Christ has just finished delivering a masterful sermon that taught many things that were difficult for, and even offensive to, His listeners. There were two responses recorded in John 6:

66 ¶From that time many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him.

67 Then said Jesus unto the twelve, Will ye also go away?

68 Then Simon Peter answered him, Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life.

69 And we believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the living God

I feel this is significant. Peter doesn't downplay that what he just heard may have been hard to understand, even offensive to him. But he points out a simple truth: he knew that the Gospel as a whole was true. Peter was willing to let things he didn't like or necessarily understand be there, but not be dissuaded from his testimony that Jesus was and is the Christ and that His Church that He was setting up was where Peter was supposed to be.

Please, just remember what you have felt and seen and know, even when you are having trouble feeling and seeing and knowing right now. This policy change doesn't change those things. Don't give up what you have because of the pain you are experiencing in the moment. 

It will be hard.  There are hard times ahead.  There will be pretentious and self-righteous individuals on both sides of this discussion.  It will take time, we will struggle, but the church is still true!  Do not abandon what you have felt and seen and believe and know because of something you don't.

Do I understand?  No.  Will not understanding change what I do know?  No, it won't.  I still sustain the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles as Prophets, Seers, and Revelators, even while recognizing that they are human and can and do make mistakes sometimes.  That has always been and that will always be.  I cannot obtain the blessings of the Gospel anywhere else.  So I will hold on.  I will trust that things will work out in the end.  I will continue to pray and work for understanding and peace and love and comfort, and I will stay.

Here I make my stand.  Gallifrey Falls No More.