"Inadvertent Feminist"

Before I launch into this post, I want it absolutely clear that these are my personal beliefs.  I represent nobody but myself.  I wish that wasn't true, but it is.

Very recently, Emma Watson (you know, Hermione from Harry Potter) delivered a fabulous speech to UNWomen.  That speech in its entirety is in the video above.  This speech resonated with me in so many ways that it's difficult for me to describe.

I am what Ms. Watson called an "inadvertent feminist."  Let me tell you why.

I grew up in a wonderful home with four older sisters and a wonderful mom and dad.  My dad, for work, was often away from home.  As a result, my standard was always women.  My mom and four sisters are incredible.  I admire them more than I think I've ever told them.  My mom is currently getting her second masters degree.  My oldest sister is a physician.  My second oldest sister has a Ph.D.  My third oldest is a J.D.  My final has a masters degree.  My dad long ago set the stage for all of us with his advanced degrees as well.  I believe, with my whole heart, that there is nothing that these five women can't do.  They raised me.  They have each excelled both at home and in their chosen fields.  They are in so many ways my heroes. 

As a result, I have always felt more comfortable around women.  The amount of my close female friends has always been quite a bit higher than the amount of my close male friends.  That's always been the case.  I believe that they can do anything.  They have been presidents of clubs, senior classes, and done incredible things politically, academically, in research, at home, and in my life.  I am immensely grateful for the women in my life.

My dad and the few men that have been my close friends have been equally as valuable to me.  I don't downplay them at all.  My dad has been my best friend and confidant in so many instances.  My one or two guy friends have really meant the world to me by accepting all my weirdness for who I am.  Their story will be told another time.  I will return to the women for now.

I have taken many traits from the women in my life.  I like to listen.  I like to knit.  I bake (only recently).  I love to cook.  I like dancing.  I like sewing.  I like hearing all about bad relationships and helping people through hard times.  I like crafting, and origami and scrapbooking.  I was labelled as the "mom" as an RA last year (you can read more about that in the post labelled "My Kids."  There are parts of these aspects of my identity that I have kept hidden from most people.  Why?  Because they are the parts of me that are both the closest to my heart, and the least like the commonly accepted gender stereotype of a man. 

Why do I like the He for She movement?  Because it focuses on the fact that both genders suffer from gender stereotypes and both need to end.  Because there is a girl that is carrying her bed around campus because she and two other girls testified against a young man on a college campus who purportedly committed acts of sexual violence against all three of them and the school board still found him not guilty.  Because one in six girls will be sexually assaulted.  Because I know several girls who have been.  Because I know that one in 33 guys will be as well.  Because the help to the guys is even less than it is for the girls because they don't know where to turn or how to say that they were raped.  Because campus and city resources are underutilized.  Because very few people know I knit.  Because I claim the parts of my identity that are traditionally female roles as much as the ones that are traditionally male ones.  Because I believe in equality in the workplace.  Because there is not, nor should there ever be, a behavior, hairstyle, outfit, or crime in the United States that is punishable by rape.  Nobody "deserves" or "asks for" rape.  We don't punish people with that here.  Because I like hiking, running, exercising, Tae-Kwan-Do, Aikido, and shooting as much as I like cooking, crafting, and nurturing.  Because my sisters all like combinations of those things as well.  Because the greatest thing that I hope to accomplish in life is to be a good husband and father.  Because the greatest thing I hope to find is a good wife and mother.

I haven't explored everything in this movement, and I don't endorse it without some reservations, but change needs to happen.  Where we are is not okay.  If this is the best we have right now, then great.  I hope to see more talk about this.

If you are struggling with your identity, seek help.  If you have been assaulted or raped, please reach out.  Go to a counselor.  You are valuable.  You are worth it.  I believe that.

If I can help, please let me know.  I am writing this to start conversations.  I am writing this to say that I know resources and I'll walk you there if I have to.  There is healing and hope.  Go to professional counseling.  See your ecclesiastical leaders.  If anyone tells you you are worthless or to blame, they are wrong. 

Man, woman, boy, girl, adult, or child.  If something has happened and you need help, please, get help.  Today, I am one "him" for "her".  I support, in my own way, He for She.