I'm so sorry it's been so long, and my post two posts ago was so ambiguous that nobody really knew what was going on. I don't always process things well by talking about them except one-on-one. I am quite a bit of an introvert, but I wanted to share my feelings, but hadn't processed them yet.
I was in a relationship this Summer. It was one of the most comfortable experiences I've had. Things very much clicked with this girl. Our intellectual interests were similar. We were both super-devoted to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She was a return missionary, so was I. We had similar feelings about what that meant. We loved to cook together, go to the temple together, and she let me read to her. I became very emotionally attached very fast.
We both cared a lot about whether or not the relationship felt right, though. For members of the Church, that often includes fasting and praying, asking God whether or not He wants you to do something. I feel that I have received answers in my heart using this method. I have felt peace, which I have interpreted as a "move forward" and a lack of peace, a misgiving, something hard to describe, which I have interpreted as a "stop." We clicked on so many levels, which, for those that know me, is something that I feel is hard for me. I feel like I am a very odd person, which I enjoy, but which means that I have trouble finding someone who matches my oddness. I finally felt like I found someone to match me. Nevertheless, both of us felt like the relationship wasn't right. So we chose to follow that feeling and stop developing our relationship.
It was what we felt was right. It wasn't what I wanted to do. It wasn't what was in my best interest, at the time, but I was trying, and am trying, to do what is right.
It wasn't a long relationship, but it was really, really hard for me to let go. I honestly am not sure that I have totally let go yet. I feel like I'm ready to move on. I feel like I'm in a much better place, emotionally. I feel like I can continue forward with other relationships, but it may still be hard. I still have a hard time cooking homemade meals without thinking of that relationship. Or doing several of the things we did, or baking bread, without thinking about it, and that's hard, but that's life. But I am ready to try to move on, emotionally.
Dear reader, please be gentle with my feelings. I don't share this often, but I wanted to be open with my Chain. "I wear the chain I forged in life." This is what is going on in my life. Other things, of course, but this is a big part of it that I wanted to share.
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Some relationships never stop affecting us. They're there to help us grow. I am so glad you had this experience, hard though it may be. Our Father in Heaven knows what we need, and I'm certain you have the faith to trust in his will for you. Thank you for being willing to share your emotions. You're not alone in this way if being.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your feelings, Pal. It is really hard to open up and be vulnerable. I think each person we love changes us in some way. I like the quote you shared on one of your other posts and I think it applies here, too: It is hard to let go because it is real. Glad you are finding peace in time.
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